Teaching Your Child to See the Machine

Learning Goal: Help your child understand how algorithms and persuasive design work — at an age-appropriate level.

The most powerful protection you can give your child is not a parental control app. It is understanding. When your child can see the machine behind the screen, the machine loses some of its power.

This does not mean giving a five-year-old a lecture on algorithmic bias. It means building media literacy gradually, in age-appropriate ways, through conversation and shared exploration.

Ages 5-7: The basics. At this age, children can understand that not everything they see on a screen is true. "Did you know that some of the things on TV are trying to get you to want toys?" "That video was made to be really exciting so you would keep watching. Did you notice that?" Keep it simple. Plant seeds of awareness.

Ages 8-10: How it works. Children in this age range can understand that apps make money from attention. "Do you know how YouTube makes money? They show you ads. The longer you watch, the more ads they can show. So they try really hard to keep you watching." You can also introduce the concept that the app learns what you like: "Have you noticed that the videos you see are different from the ones your friend sees? That is because the app is watching what you watch and showing you more of it."

Ages 11-13: The persuasion toolkit. Tweens are ready for more sophisticated conversations. Introduce the Hook Model: "Apps are designed with a trigger, an action, a reward, and then they ask you to invest something — like a streak or a profile. That cycle is designed to make it hard to stop." Talk about social comparison: "Instagram shows you people's best moments. Nobody posts their boring Tuesday or their bad hair day. What you see is a highlight reel, not real life."

Ages 14-18: Full transparency. Teenagers can handle the full picture. Discuss the attention economy, data collection, algorithmic targeting, dark patterns, and the business model behind "free" apps. Watch The Social Dilemma together. Explore the Center for Humane Technology's resources. Encourage them to think critically about their own relationship with technology: "You are not just a user — you are the product."

At every age, the approach is the same: curiosity over fear. You are not telling your child to be afraid of technology. You are inviting them to be smart about it. There is a difference.

Devorah Heitner calls this the mentor approach. A mentor does not just hand down rules. A mentor educates, explores alongside, asks questions, and gradually transfers skills and judgment. When you help your child understand how the machine works, you are building a skill they will use for the rest of their lives.

Exercise: Choose one concept from this lesson that is appropriate for your child's age. Find a moment this week — during a car ride, a walk, or a quiet moment — to bring it up naturally. Not as a lecture. As a conversation. "I learned something interesting about how TikTok works. Want to hear it?"

Key Takeaway: The best protection against persuasive technology is understanding it. Teach your child to see the machine behind the screen — at their level, with curiosity, not fear — and you give them a skill that lasts a lifetime.