What It Feels Like From Where They Sit

Learning goal: Begin to understand the internal experience of someone whose screen use has become compulsive, using the compensatory internet use model.

This might be the hardest lesson in this course. Because right now, you might be angry. Or exhausted. Or both. And here we are asking you to step into their shoes for a moment.

You do not have to agree with what they are doing. You do not have to excuse it. But understanding why someone uses screens compulsively will change how you respond to it — and that change in your response can open doors that anger and frustration keep closed.

A researcher named Daniel Kardefelt-Winther proposed something called the compensatory internet use model. The core idea is simple but powerful: people do not become lost in screens because screens are irresistible. They become lost in screens because screens meet real needs that are not being met elsewhere.

Those needs might be connection. Online, they might feel accepted in ways they do not feel in person. The needs might be competence. In a game, they can level up, master challenges, and feel capable in ways that their offline life does not provide. The needs might be escape. If they are dealing with anxiety, depression, loneliness, grief, or stress, screens offer a reliable way to numb the pain. The needs might be autonomy. In their screen world, they are in control. Nobody is telling them what to do or how to feel.

None of this means the screen use is healthy. But it means the screen use makes sense to them. It is solving a problem. Until the underlying problem is addressed, simply taking away the screen is like taking away a crutch from someone with a broken leg.

This is not about letting them off the hook. It is about understanding the hook.

Reflection: Can you think of a time in your own life when you used something — food, work, shopping, even exercise — to cope with pain or stress? What need was it meeting? This is not a comparison. It is a bridge to empathy.

Key takeaway: Compulsive screen use is usually a symptom, not the root problem. Understanding the needs behind the screen changes everything.

---